Chinese New Year has slowly become a festive season that I dread in the recent years because of all the questions that revolved around "When are you getting married? Got boyfriend already ar?"

But this year's CNY was a little bit different. I had more conversations with my dad and mum and also my grandmother. I learnt more about the important people in my life.

Today I had this class gathering at night. Due to some reasons, my car was parked at the next alley. When it was time for me to go to the class gathering, I walked out to the next alley to get my car. My daddy walked out and watched as I walked to the next alley to get my car. Most of the time people are afraid of shadows but seeing my dad's shadow gave me an assurance that he was watching over me. I felt so safe and loved.

After meeting my old classmates, we got carried away and chatted till 1am in the morning. Suddenly I received text messages from both my dad and mum asking me to get back home immediately. When I saw those messages I realised that my parents really do love me a lot!!!! When I got back home I realised my little brother was waiting up for me too. I felt so loved at that moment. I really thanked God that He gave me earthly parents who loved me so much. Their demonstration of love towards me reminds me that my Heavenly Father cares and loves me even more than that.

So all of a sudden I wanted to remember this whole being loved incident that I started to think of ways to remember this day and I was reminded of my blog. So here is it. My lovely day!!!!

I guess all of you who know me out there know that I am in the midst of fasting and praying. A lot of ppl actually kept on asking me why I am fasting and why I am fasting so long. So here goes the full version of the explaination......

I was praying one day [I think it is the last few days of 2009] when God popped a question to me.

GOD: Doreen, you have never hesitate when it comes to giving me 10% of your tithes. But what about your year? Can you give me 10% of this year?

So after God dropped that thought in my mind, I just felt that I want to honour Him and take this time to rebuild my relationship with Him. So I started fasting starting on the 2nd of January. After the first few days I was really geared up to seek God and really getting deeper in this relationship with God. And every single time I do my devotion, God will always speak to me. He does not only speaks to me about things that only concerned me but also the things happening in the world. I am really glad that God actually wants to reveal so many things to me. All this while I always thought that I am not that important, and I always get people to pray for me instead of praying and seeking God myself.

I am challenged and got the truth slammed in my face by my dad when he asked me why do I need to go through people to get answers from God instead of getting the answers directly from God myself. This was one of the reason and apart from that our church is on this AWAKEN series where Ps Tim keeps on speaking about the importance of waking up our spirit that had fallen asleep. So because of all these reasons, I decided that I need to get into serious business with God.

The fast is going to end soon..... These few days, all the food seemed to spring to live whenever I see them. Before that, it is ok to live without having meat! [YES!!!! I AM FASTING MEAT!!!!] That was so hard!!! All the MACDONALDS and KFC seemed to be calling out to me everytime I passed by these restaurants. But I was able to resist these temptations except for the day when I went to Kuching!!! Hahaha... I broke fast that day! ONLY THAT DAY!!!! =)

So as I was praying today, God showed me these bible verses which encourages me and enable me to resist the growing temptation as the date of breaking fast is near.

Romans 14: 6-8 He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord;and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks, and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat and give God thanks. For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the LORD'S.

14: 17 for the kingdom of God is not food and drink, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

=) So after I read that I am not afraid that I will binge after I finished the fast. For I know that food is nothing compared to the presence of God in my life.

I was sick the whole day yesterday... Skipped class the whole day.... This is a good lesson where God set a day to rest and I didn't rest at all and the result is getting sick....

Recently I had been quite moody and had been ignorant to the nudgings of the Holy Spirit and I ended up feeling offended and also offending others.... I was thinking what actually trigger all this feeling. But I cant think of any so I decided to just surrender it unto God.

The last few days was very tiring and I was offended and offended other people too. Apart from that I was 'advised' by my friend about the way I speak to ppl and that I need to learn to not be so blunt to the ppl that is not close to me. I guess this is one thing that I have to learnt through the hard way. I so want to ask that friend to shut up because the least you need at a time like this is their 'so-called advice'! But I didn't do that because I know I will then offend another person. I guess what I need was encouragement and NOT CONDEMNATION! I know that advice is given to help me but CAN'T YOU CHOOSE A BETTER TIMING? Advice given at the wrong time is like pushing the person deeper into the whirl pool of pain. And you claim to be my friend but you don't even know how I was feeling. You are selfish in thinking that you just want to get the words out of your mouth and adviced me. [I guess I am being selfish now in expecting you to understand me...LOL.....]

I am so sick of all of this. There are times where I wish I could not talk and just communicate through paper and pencil, then these people don't have to read wrongly of my intonation and stuff like that!

I guess God is teaching me a lesson which is not to be so blunt and stop putting my expectation and my assumption on other people. I assume that if they are my friends then they would be able to take my honest comment but I guess I was wrong. I guess God is right about people being selfish and rebellious cause we can't seemed to take advice or people pointing out our wrong. This is not the first time I met with these kind of situation. WHY DID I STILL THINK LIKE LAST TIME AND NOT LEARN FROM MY PREVIOUS LESSON? People are not perfect and people are selfish. I AM TOO!!!! So I guess I need to learn to be patient and not be so blunt and to humble myself and let God do His job.

After praying about all of these 'problems' God showed me a verse from

Titus 2: 7, 8

In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.

The last line really jumped out at me! That is what God wants me to be!

Throughout all these incidents, I am sure of one thing:

GOD IS MOULDING AND CHANGING ME! I am rest assured that He is watching over me and He cares for me to discipline me so that I am a step closer to the person He wants me to be.

Oh! One more thing I learnt is that SELF-PITYING DOES NOT WORK!!!!!

So that is the end of the incidents.... I learnt my lesson and I choose to forgive and move on. Cause there are so much more that I need to experience....

This is what happened last Friday when I went out together with my friends.....

I bought

• 1 pair of heels.
  
• 6 blouses (including one for my mum)
  
• 1 snow cap
  
• 2 belts
  
• 1 pair of leggings
  
• 1 pair of jeans
  

I super like the snow cap....

I got this pair of heels for only RM20! [I didn't really like it cos i tried on a pair of boots before so my heart was stuck to the pair of boots]

Guess how much I spent? RM230!!!! IN A DAY!!!!

Then after that, my mum and day came to town for a course. Guess what, my mum and I went to TIMES SQUARE to SHOP AGAIN!!!! My dad and mum both gave me a sum of money to shop and I dont need to take it from my allowance!!!! YIPPEE!!!! When my dad gave me the money I was shocked and I am happy cos God has been very gracious and has been pouring blessings upon my daddy!!! I am glad! PRAYER WORKS!!!

So I ended up buying the boots that I SUPER LIKE! And a white bag plus a pair of flats to go for class. And.... and... and.... a pair of sports shoes... It is not branded one cos all the branded ones are kinda expensive and my mum say, wait until I go back Alor Star only buy cos it is cheaper there.... (According to her la... But i still think KL ones are much cheaper) But anyway I had a very fruitful day.....

So this will be the only shopping time cos I don't have any more allowances for shopping unless God continue to pour His blessings on my family!

Today, Sharon commented about how long I had stop blogging.... I guess I forgot about this blog and actually find it a hassle to blog. So where should I start? So many things had happened since I last blogged.


Let's just skip everything and get on to my new year and the thing that happened recently. Sharon started an online blogshop.... here and I am just happy to see her excited all these things.

But I just hope she gets enough rest so that she don't crash.

I am looking forward to CYW Kuching...

This is the second time we will be following the tour. I pray that all the dancers will still bring the spirit of God as we dance.

Other than that, I am in the midst of fasting and praying for directions and what God wants me to do this year.

What actually cause me to seek God in a much deeper manner is because of a conversation with my dad. He said I had a bad habit of asking ppl to pray for me and letting ppl help me make decisions. My dad just threw a question to me and say that if you have the rights and the priviledge to get the answer first hand from God, why do you need to go through a middle person? Hence the start of deep searching and repenting.

The amazing thing is that God is yearning to speak to me and after learning to get down on my knees and seek Him, I heard lots of things from Him and I find lots of comfort and strength from Him. I still got lots of questions and I guess it is human nature to want to know the future but I God assured me again and again that the future is in His control and I just need to take one step at a time.

YES! And I am slowly looking for my sweet spot that God has given me.... So i am still finding... When I find it I will let u know!

HAHAHAHA............ I guess you must be laughing when you read this. "CAN DOREEN FAST FACEBOOK?"

The answer is: I CAN!!

This is the third day already and I still havent open it. Haha, a feling of triumph! I decided to fast facebook because I felt it is taking lots of my time. I am so full of facebook yet I am starving to death spiritually. One night when I was doing my usual devotion, I was nudge by the holy spirit asking me how I was feeling. At that time, I actually was feeling hungry physically so I told HS that I was feeling hungry. And He asked me back. "Spiritually?" I was convicted at that instance and I was repenting and evaluating what is taking up my time. And I realised I am so hooked on Facebook. I woiuld wake up early in the morning and the first thing I think of is RESTAURANT CITY, PET SOCIETY, FARMVILE AND LOTS MORE. I find it so irony as 4 months before, I refused to sign up for facebook but then I did in July I think, then the life of addiction begins. I wasn't using it to communicate and get connected to my friends but I was using it more for fun and my own selfish desire. Hence, the decision to straightaway fast from it. That is how the decision came about.

This is the third day already, although lots of my friends around me are using it all the time, I have come to a point that I can turn my head and say it is ok, I don't need it! I post a note and stuck it on my computer screen listing down the things I can do without playing Facebook. And the list can go on and on and I realised that there are lots more things to do rather than spending time playing something that does not benefit me at all.

Actually somebody asked me this question that actually make me think a lot about it.

"Wah, you level up so fast one. I start playing first but now you are in a higher level compare to me. You play all the time ar?"

Yup, that was when I start to realise I have been spending too much time on facebook. Life is more than that and I am learning to not let these things stop me and drain me from running the real race.

I CAN LIVE WITHOUT LOGIN ON TO FACEBOOK ALL THE TIME!!!!

=) It is HECTIC!!! It has been long time ever since I blog here. Blogging doesn't seemed so fun since all of us are force to blog about our learning for a few subject. Hence the explanation of extra few blogs that I had. All those are for academic purpose but only this one is more personal.

Sitting here in a quite boring class, I just saw my old blog and decided to blog. I felt this semester I changed a lot. I've changed to be more selfish although my testimony is to be the opposite. The new environment and new semester caught up with me and I gre tired and weary very often. I am stressed out most of the time. There is not a moment of rest. Because of this I became very selfish in my time. I become very protective over my time to rest. I don't want to take up extra things other than the things that I decided to take at the start of semester.

On Sunday, I went out with my childhood friend. I dreaded it because of the travelling I need to do. But I really took the effort and time [2 hours on the bus] to go to meet her. The reason is she was leaving for Australia again and it might take a while before I see her again. One thought came to mind. I would go the extra mile because I am afraid I would not see her again for a long time. What about my friends and my girls who I get to see every week? Is it just because I get to see them every week that is why I don't make the effort to meet them? I am so caught up with my own life that I don't want to be bothered about other ppl's life.

I am tired of the whole course and learning to teach itself. The amount of things to learn and do are piling high---sickening. But I know it is not the time to let go and just leave everything. I am holding on. Hanging on.

It is time to go back to work............. Assignments.........Assignments.............Assignments.............