Nowadays, my time is constantly occupied with assignments and tests. I am thinking of how long i havent blog. I missed blogging. But something happened today which makes me want to blog about it.

This morning, this thought kept on tugging at me.
Why are we given freedom? Why does God gives us the freedom to choose? Why? Why? Why?
Why are we given the freedom to do whatever we want? Why can i say things or do things as if it does not hurt anyone at all? Why can we sin and then we can turn around and go on with our daily lives as if we did not just do something that is wrong?

I did something wrong today..... I knew it was wrong but i did it anyway. Why? That is why i ask why God give us the freedom to choose? I chose to do wrong today oblivious to the warnings given by someone. Why?

Conclusion is: My God loves me too much to not give me the freedom to choose. He wants me to love HIm back without forcing me to. He loved me so  much that He let His son died in my place for the sins that i have. 

But that is why I always ask God: Is it worth it to love someone like me and to give me the freedom to choose?

He told me I'm worth it. I know when i sinned i make Him cry. I know He gives me lots of warnings before i even sinned but i chose to ignore it. I know that makes Him cry. When i choose to sin, sin kills me in a way that makes Him cry. Why do I always make Him cry? Can i not make Him cry?

Today lots of thoughts went through my mind. I started to doubt your will in my life. I dont like to teach. I dont like to prepare lesson plans. I dont like assignments..... But i know this is the best way and the best path that you have carefully planned for me. I cant see the end of this path but I know and I trust that You love me and You will never leave me nor forsake me. 

It is 12 midnight... I am tired.... I AM VERY STRESS......... I have done wrong today..... I am hungry....

But I know I AM LOVED BY YOU! And the freedom you give to me is worth it, cause i will use it to love You back..... Forgive me for making You cry.... I AM SORRY.... I REPENT...

Today I learnt an important lesson from God on the topic of love. Valentine is around the corner but it is not about the kind of love between a boy and girl but today's lesson is about loving people around us. Our A42 family had a house meeting yesterday. It is about the house we are going to rent next time we moved to UM. I have to admit it was not easy for me to sit through the meeting. I have to admit I am going through a period of my life that I am sick of getting hurt from the same people again and again. I guess I have lived with this family for so long that I have grown to love this family, yet there are times that we had our fair share of conflict and quarrels and silent periods. I am so tired and sick of it that I suggested to move out and stay with other ppl. [PPs I am sorry for not being honest during the meeting. I just do not want to hurt you girls. And as I reflect and ponder on the things we had said in the meeting, I have learnt to sort things out and find the core of my dissatisfaction and my disappointment.]

So today, I did lots of thinking. And during CF, the bible study topic that we did was LOVE! So i am reminded about the whole incident and the A42 family.

Is it so hard for me to love these ppl?

The answer is yes and no. Loving nice ppl who treats you nice is very easy definately but what about ppl who has their own character and personality?

LOVE THEM ANYWAY!!!

God is reminding me with the verse that says love God with all your soul and your might and then love thy neighbour just like how you love yourself.  I was struck by this verse during the discussion. Have I been loving the ppl around me just like how I love myself? When I say I am sick of getting hurt, am i hurting other ppl in the process?

There is this famous quotation by someone[i dont know who] that goes like this:
Hurting people hurt people. Period. Full Stop.  Am i hurting? But today I was overwhelmed by the way God turn things around and healed my broken heart.

After the CF, my best friend ask me for 5 mins when we get back home. SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ME! ( Whenever somebody say that to another person it means something like-hey i got something i am not happy about and i want to talk about it.) So lots of thoughts went through my mind. What should I do? I bet she is going to talk about the issue we discuss last night. And on and on it goes.

I try to avoid the 5 MINS when i got back home but i know she is a stubborn girl and she wont let me go until she had given me a piece of her mind. So the 5 mins were up in a flash but the conversation went on and on and on......

But little did I know that God was healing my broken heart slowly as the conversations unfold. It was hard but I knew God wanted me to open up and let Him heal this broken heart of mine. I didnt know that i have closed up so much towards this girl who I called my best friend. I guess God is teaching me to love in a new level. The love that ppl usually talk about is very selfish but today I learnt how to love in another whole new level. It is just one part of our journey of friendship where we are stopping at the pit stop to rest and recuperate. [The conversation went on..it wasnt like she was scolding me but we were having one of our long reflection sessions that we used to have when we were staying in the hostel. I really missed it....But SHE has promised to have more of this kind of sessions... LOL sounds like counselling sessions. It is a time where we just spend time with each other and hear each other pour out and cry....]

I didnt realise i have wrote so long... =) Haha.... Ya.. today is such a beautiful day where God had done something in this little heart of mine. I feel I can love more and this time.. I appreciate the friendship offered by my A42 family. They make me feel so loved. And the conflicts are rarely brought out of the house. Our other friends always think that our house ppl never fight and quarrel. =) I guess we do but at the end of the day we know we still loved each other.

So today have been a lovey dovey day...... I feel so loved by a God who thinks of me all the time and how He is healing my broken heart.

haha.. Deprived of blogging for quite some time so am going to post what God had spoke to me at the start of this new year.

I was reading my bible that day and I came across this verse:
1 Corinthians 10:23 All things are lawful for me but not all things are not helpful;
All things are lawful for me but all things do not edify.
I felt God spoke to me about me turning 21 last year. Lots of my friends said kind of the same thing when they heard that I turned 21. 'Let's go to pubs!' This is the most common response i get. (Imagine the things you can do.... Get marry without needing your parents' consent[i think-if i am wrong,correct me] -Go to pubs and not get caught. and much more...)

I guess as i was meditating on His words, He is trying to tell me all things may be lawful for me now as I turned 21 but not all things are helpful, neither does all things edify me. So I am reminded again of a quote by someone called Albert Camus.

"LIFE IS A SUM OF ALL YOUR CHOICES!"

So although it is lawful for me but whatever choices i make will influence my whole life. God is also saying to me that He wants to be involve in my decision-making. I guess 2008 had been a year where most of the time it was about me but 2009 will be a year where it is all about HIM and He is going to be the decision maker in my life.